8 years ago, I started a website called Sugar Derby. My motto was “It ain’t easy being sweet.” And in all reality, turns out it wasn’t.
For 2 years, I posted weekly… recipes, miniature food (long before it was popular… dang it), DIY projects, vintage finds and really just anything I cared to share. The blog did well. Gained a good following. Was published in Taste of Home Magazine, Mod Cloth and several more. It was just what I needed at the time.
You see, I had lost my dad just one year before I started the blog. He was 56. And the greatest man I’ve ever known. He was also my biggest food fan. He would eat anything I made… and not just eat it but rave about it! Tell me how great it was, thank me for making it, ask me questions about it. He loved food as much as I do. Both of my parents fueled my love of food. Although I was married at the time, I had dinner with my parents at least 4 nights a week. Sometimes at their house, sometimes at mine… sometimes at the El Chico in our local mall (a fave of everyone)! When he passed away, that all changed. My mom lost her joy of cooking… and of eating. Left without a cheering squad, I started blogging. It was my way of sharing the foods I loved with other people.
As the years moved on, even more changed. I got a divorce, my mom moved in with me and my son Micah, I changed jobs and the grief from losing my dad… my security, my stability… began to smother parts of my life that had once been my creative outlet. I felt lost. Things that had brought me joy in the past seemed to be causing me more stress than anything. I loved writing but every time I missed a Miniature Monday post or an Eat Your Feelings article, I felt like I was letting people down. Finding my new way in life and keeping up with the things that truly are my passion just didn’t align. Feeling like a failure at one more thing, at this stage in my life, was just too unbearable to me.
And so I quit. Literally, just didn’t pay for the website when it was time to renew. A mixture of hoping no one noticed and hoping everyone noticed all at once.
The past 6 years have had their ups and downs. I satisfied my desire for food writing with weekly articles for a large magazine and media site… a brand that if, I missed a post, no one would really notice. I could have my midweek break down, forget to write an article and never hear a word of it. Again, it was just what I needed at the time.
I got married in 2017. My one and only child went off to a prestigious military academy. I moved to my husband’s farm. And I did some major healing. I finally started taking some inventory of the past 8 years. Now, I want to say, this was not necessarily voluntary. I didn’t move to the farm and frolic off into the sunset healing wounds from many years past. No. I got depressed. Real depressed. And from that, I healed.
Being forced to figure out what got me here… helped to GET ME HERE.
I am happy to say, I feel grounded again. Stable. Secure. Confident in who I am and what I am capable of. Starting to write again is part of the outward expression of this inward joy.
I am so so glad you are here with me… picking up where I left off.